Alex Norris in conversation about their book on love, feelings and relationships

"I wanted this book to be a sort of bible. I always get very ambitious when I start a book,” says Alex Norris, the author of upcoming How to Love, which is being pitched as a humorous, heartfelt and inclusive guide to love by publisher Walker Books.

Covering everything from loneliness, jealousy and being dumped to loving more than one person and how ignoring social conventions can make a relationship stronger, this non-fiction graphic novel is an entertaining and encompassing look at the questions young people might have about romantic relationships. Norris is modest about how much of a bible the final book actually is, but How to Love feels perfectly aligned with a generation of young people for whom the old-fashioned rules about love and romance do not apply, yet who are still seeking guidance and reassurance about how to conduct themselves in relationships.

It was nice to try and not use terminology so much. I do not really use the word queer or straight or monogamy

The book is based on Norris’ agony aunt series of the same name for South Korean webcomic platform LINE Webtoon. Originally the series was going to be a parody of the stereotypical guidance on love with a cynical tone, but quite quickly Norris realised people wanted something more sincere. “All of my work has a kind of silliness to it, and I deconstruct the clichés of the genre, but it was nice to feel confident enough to make something that was actual advice.”

They also wanted to subvert expectations, something that the graphic novel format allows them to do. For example, in the chapter entitled “Who Should I Love?”, Norris explores gender and how people are expected to both perform gender in a particular way and desire people of the “opposite” gender. Readers are instead encouraged to be playful with their identity, as illustrated by bow ties that turn into hair ribbons and beards that become eyelashes.

“The thing that happens when people explore ideas of gender and sexuality is that they get really bogged down in terminology and philosophical ideas very quickly. It was nice to try and not use terminology so much. I do not really use the word queer or straight or monogamy… a visual metaphor makes you really connect with it in a different way.”

There’s something about going through the editorial process that makes people think they can trust it a bit more. It was a really good experience

Most of the topics came from questions fans had asked online. Jealousy features, as does knowing the difference between a friendship and a relationship, and dealing with break-ups. “Some of the things were not what bothered me when I was a teenager. So it was quite interesting to hear other people’s concerns… And there were some things I thought people needed to know about.”

Going viral

Norris is from a working-class background and never had any help in becoming a full-time artist. “I saved up some money and then I was very poor for a while, but I was very, very determined.” Norris says that luck had a big part to play in the resulting success but they didn’t know what a successful career as an artist really looked like. “I just thought, if I try really hard, it will probably happen. And luckily it did.” They have always loved making comics, ever since being a fan of the Beano as a child, and at university, where studying English Literature and contributing to comics for the student newspaper took up a lot of their time; the work produced became so popular that Norris was eventually given a double-page spread to fill.

After graduating in 2013, Norris began creating the webcomic Dorris McComics, which was hosted mainly on Tumblr, and soon after they got the job with Webtoon. There, How to Love was created along with Hello World which is a photo collage travel series. In 2016 Norris launched Webcomic Name, which is famous for its blob characters and “Oh no” punch lines. 

Was there a moment when Norris realised how popular their work was? “I remember the first time I went viral I was getting pings every couple of seconds. That was when I decided to try and do this full time.”

Norris does, however, warn against relying on social media likes in this particular business, because creators risk spending all their time chasing the stats. “The first bit of advice I give to anyone who makes things on the internet is try not to make the numbers your goal, because it will make you go completely mad.”

The book deal came about after Norris’ agent Nicola Barr said How to Love was the project to pitch to publishers. Walker really nurtured the project and Norris enjoyed working closely with an editor and art director, in a way they hadn’t before. “After working on the internet for so long it’s nice to fit into an industry,” says Norris. “And being published gives the book a bit more authority. There’s something about going through the editorial process that makes people think they can trust it a bit more. It was a really good experience.”

Takeaway message

And what message does Norris want readers to take away from this book? “Love is confusing and messy and embracing that is more than helpful. There’s no right way of doing things. Instead you should build the life that you want. Things are going to be messy and that’s OK.” How to Love is about the “challenges and horrors” of love and yet the overall message is one of optimism.