Extract: Monsoon Memories

‘Reena, how do you know about Shirin?’

Aunt Anita leaned forward, her fingers trembling as she picked up her cup of tea gingerly from the table.

‘I found a picture of her, with you and my dad, when you were about my age.’ Her sleuthing notebook was under her pillow, the photograph nestling within it.

‘Where?’ Aunt Anita shifted in her chair. ‘I thought all the photos were destroyed.’

‘It was tucked behind one of the pictures in an old photo album in Taipur. I think Madhu saved it.’

‘That photo must have somehow escaped being burnt. That was the fate of all Shirin’s other photos.’

‘What did she do that was so bad?’

Aunt Anita stilled. She was silent for so long that Reena, who had been holding her breath, let it out, convinced she was not going to answer. She swatted at the mosquitoes that had started buzzing, looking for human flesh to feast on. Darkness had set in early, due to the storm, bypassing the twilight that Reena loved.

Her aunt spoke then, so quietly that Reena had to lean forward in her chair to hear. ‘It’s best to leave the past alone, Rinu.’

‘But surely you must miss her. Don’t you ever feel like contacting her, seeing her, knowing how she is? If I had a sister...’ She stopped, realising that she had done the very thing she had not wanted to do. Her aunt was crying silently, huge tears running down her cheeks from behind her sunglasses.

‘Of course I miss her. She was my confidante, my protector, my best friend. If I did something wrong, she took the blame. She couldn’t bear the thought of me being hurt. I’d give anything to talk to her now, when I am going through this—this thing with Uttam...’ She shut her mouth with her fist, as though afraid she’d said too much.

‘Then how can you live your life, not knowing where she is, how she is?’

So softly that Reena had to strain to hear, ‘Because I am a coward.’

What did Aunt Anita mean, Coward? Daring, fearless Aunt Anita, who defied her mother to marry a Hindu… Why was she afraid to contact Aunt Shirin? Who was she afraid of?

‘Sometimes, it is easier to leave things as they are, rather than to fight, go against the flow…’ Aunt Anita was saying, still in a whisper.

Fight whom? Go against whom?

‘She used to say I was the brave one... I have yet to meet anyone as courageous as her, doing what she did…’ Aunt Anita continued, still in a whisper.

Aha. A clue. Whatever Aunt Shirin did, Aunt Anita thought it courageous. It didn’t make sense though. None of it did. If Aunt Anita didn’t agree with what had been done to Aunt Shirin, if she thought what Aunt Shirin had done was courageous, then why hadn’t she done something? Why continue to pretend Aunt Shirin didn’t exist?

She identified with this newfound aunt of hers. She knew what it was to be invisible, to have people look right through her like she didn’t exist. ‘What did she do anyway that is so awful that none of you even acknowledge her? And if you don’t agree with what happened, why don’t you contact her? You are an adult. You can do anything. Who are you afraid of?’

‘Shh...’

Reena hadn’t realised she had been yelling. It was as if, by defending her aunt, the girl in the photograph, she was defending herself.

‘Do your mum and dad know that you know about Shirin?’ Aunt Anita continued, not seeming to mind Reena’s outburst.

Reena shook her head, no.

‘You of all people finding it…’ Her aunt wore the same funny half smile Reena had glimpsed on Madhu’s face. What did it mean? Aunt Anita reached across and squeezed her arm. ‘I can’t imagine what you must have thought when you found out, how you must have felt...’ She stopped. ‘Wait a minute; how did you know that that girl in the picture was Shirin?’

‘I asked Madhu.’

‘What did she tell you?’ Aunt Anita’s eyes bored into Reena’s.

‘She told me what Aunt Shirin was like as a child.’ The words ‘Aunt Shirin’ stuck in her throat as she said them out loud. They sounded clumsy, artificial. Aunt Anita was waiting, her face tense. Why? What was it she didn’t want Reena to know? ‘Nothing much else,’ Reena continued. ‘Madhu said it was not her place.’

Aunt Anita visibly relaxed. ‘Darling Madhu.’

‘What is it you are all hiding? Why this conspiracy, this...?’ Reena stopped, frustrated. She wanted to throw something. She wanted to yell so loud her mother stopped whatever she was doing and came to rescue her.

Aunt Anita reached across and, with her finger, tipped Reena’s face so her eyes met hers. ‘I wish I could explain...’

Monsoon Memories by Renita D'Silva is published on 21 June by Bookouture.